the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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