Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
