Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
