the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
