im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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