All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
