hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Randomize
