I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
