I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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