While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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