p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
