he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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