Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
