She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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