Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish life had little blips of pornography
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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