Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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