If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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