I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize