no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
