My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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