Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
