Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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