He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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