"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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