I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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