I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
