Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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