My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize