I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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