I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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