At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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