oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
