so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
