I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
