No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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