Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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