Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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