I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
