Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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