nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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