im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
