splinters make it hard to masturbate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
