i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
