Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
