...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
