I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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