Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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