is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
