would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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