he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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