Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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