How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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