i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize