It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
