peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
