I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
