she woke up with a sticky ear
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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