I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
