it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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