I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize