I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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